The English Premiership returns
Liverpool and Arsenal are held. Manchester United and Chelsea record convincing wins
To be honest, I was slightly sick of the English Premiership by the time it ended in May. After Chelsea ran away with their second consecutive title, it was only the race for the last Champions League place between Spurs and Arsenal that kept up the interest and my mind had already wandered to the forthcoming World Cup.
And we all know how that turned out. Or if you don't check here.
Despite Liverpool's victory over Chelsea in the Charity Shield last week, no one seems to be convinced that the Scousers can challenge for the title. Their insipid 1-1 opening day draw with newly-promoted Sheffield United won't have changed any minds either although Craig Bellamy and Jermaine Pennant seem sensible buys. A lot depends on the other new arrivals -- Dirk Kuyt up front as well as Mark Gonzalez out wide and Fabio Aurelio and Gabriel Palletta at the back.
Rafa Benitez's purchases from aboard have not exactly been hits (apart from Pepe Reina) and it's worrying that Brazilian new boy Aurelio seemed culpable for the Sheffield United goal. At least Benitez's nicely simmering feud with Jose Mourinho should keep us entertained even if the football is a bit pedestrian.
Another of the favourites who made a stuttering start were Arsenal, who salvaged a draw at home with Aston Villa -- the visitors already looking ten times the side under Martin O'Neill than they did under the unloved David O'Leary.
The Gunners' new stadium was full at least, and Arsenal pegged their opponents back for most of the game but still looked a little rusty. They have another home match on Wednesday against Dinamo Zagreb in the second leg of their Champions League qualifier to blow away the cobwebs.
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger said after the game that they lacked fitness due to "pre-season" (well, your responsible for that Arsene) and seven of his players being called away to play friendlies with their countries in midweek -- the latter a fair point.
Curiously, Martin O'Neill said Arsenal were "miles in front" in terms of fitness as they had already played a European game.
Make your minds up, fellas -- this playing football malarkey is either good for fitness or not.
We had to wait until Sunday to see the other two clubs expected to challenge for the title -- Manchester United and Chelsea, and both were rather impressive.
Man Utd had the earlier kick off and destroyed Fulham at home 5-1 -- with World Cup dumb and dumber double-act Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney looking in ominous form.
Sadly for Rooney, he now has to sit out the next three matches as punishment for getting sent off after elbowing the Porto centre back Pepe in the pre-season Amsterdam tournament. Wayne has shown he's turned over a new leaf by saying it's a fair cop and taking it like a man.
I jest of course. In time-honoured Manchester United fashion, Wayne has decided it's totally unfair and he'll scream and scream until he's sick. In a letter leaked to a Sunday paper, his agent Paul Stretford is reported to have told the FA that Rooney will reduce his off-field activities with England and "will not allow his image to be used or exploited, or participate in personal appearances for and on behalf of the FA's commercial partners unless he is satisfied with how the FA conducts its affairs in regard to player matters".
Well boo-bloody-hoo, say I. Of course, I'm not the FA and I'm not relying on Rooney's potatoey visage to flog all manner of Three Lions-branded tat and therefore turn a profit, but wouldn't it be nice if the FA just said: Tough. Lump it, you ungrateful sod.
Wayne needs to learn that life isn't fair. Today, I waited a good two minutes for a busy tube to arrive on the London Underground. As instructed by the weary-sounding tannoy system, I waited until everyone had got off the train first before boarding - I'm good like that.
However, a lady in a pink tracksuit didn't wait. She barged ahead of me and nabbed the last seat. I was fuming - it was SO unfair. But did I withdraw permission for my likeness to be exploited? No. Did I refuse to participate in certain personal appearances with FA commercial partners? Did I hell.
I simply pulled the emergency brake and in the ensuing chaos punched her track-suited lights out.
I jest of course (again). I simply walked up the isle and stood at the end of the carriage, silently fuming. You're good at fuming Wayne, why not take a leaf out of my book and be a real man about it? Don't let these silly little things upset you.
And the story has a happy ending: a gentleman got off at Green Park and I could sit down -- although I did bang someone's knee as I made my desperate and clumsy effort to get to the seat. If you're reading this madam, I apologise.
Wayne on the other hand, misses the upcoming matches against Charlton, Watford and Spurs.
Chelsea kicked off their season against United's cross-town rivals Man City. If they were fazed by their rival's excellent performance at Old Trafford, they didn't show it, as they turned the visitors over 3-0. John Terry headed the opener (capping an excellent week for him, where he also scored in his first international as England captain), followed by a typical deflected Frank Lampard thunderbolt and Didier Drogba completing a delightful team move for the third with a neat diving header. All this without Andriy Shevchenko really firing and without Michael Ballack at all.
Despite the hiccups for Liverpool and Arsenal, they're both expected to be fighting for at least a Champions League space come the end of the season and there are no signs that any team can come from the chasing pack to challenge. Spurs looked likely last season until the lasagna-gate incident on the last day but they got beaten 2-0 by Bolton so they've started off where they ended in May.
The most impressive performance by the lesser lights was Portsmouth's 3-0 rout of Blackburn - including two goals from Nigerian enigma Nwankwo Kanu. Amazing to think that he came to prominence with the exciting and youthful Ajax side that won the European Cup in 1995 and has now been transformed into a rent-a-targetman for the bottom feeders of the Premiership. He probably won't score again until November now.
Of the other teams, Villa can challenge for a UEFA Cup place if Martin O'Neill can weave his magic while Newcastle are apparently the subject of a takeover by a shadowy investment group. Normally, this would be good news because it means a team has more transfer funds. But money to waste on unlikely imports has never been in short supply for the Geordies, what they really need is something money can't buy - some common sense (and a defender or three). Billionaire or not, I'd wager it's the intertoto for the Magpies again this season.
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